Sem has ended. A hurdle passed. Yet I sit here feeling dejected, rejected(?), bitter(to an extent) and disappointed. I don’t regret the choices I did, insofar as deciding what studios to pick. I do however at times regret the choices I made out of fear rather than love, and wonder, and curiosity.
If there’s anything that I felt carried me through the first year of industrial design -a year that I felt I did well if not at least moderately so- it would have to be curiosity. Curiosity kept my spirits up when we had work to do, and I treated new tasks as new adventures; Curiosity kept me going to make new discoveries because I wanted to know where things would take me. Yet at the end of a second year, I feel I have lost that; something which feels important to me.
A year ago we sat on a Friday, falling asleep during our last class, as a class. Models weren’t the best spray painted, Photoshop sketches and renderings weren’t well done, Professors were tsk-ing at our quality of work, anger and vindication filled people’s hearts. Yet I look back and have good memories. I worked as hard as I could. Stayed up for as much as I could. A body, a breaking point untested. Regret had no place or space in a heart that had given everything it had to offer. The things it had to offer were not perfect, but they were genuine, and full of sincerity. I can live with that.
I regret not being a better person. Letting jealousy get in the way of friendships. Failing to see past the lack of one’s own understanding and capabilities and willpower is shoddy and poor, and reflects a lack of character. Fear has governed many actions this semester, and its results breed poor.
may regret guide me in paths not to take, steps to rebuild, and paths to reforge.