Authenticity

I enjoy painting, I don’t deny,
but sometimes I wish for mediums that were more visceral.
I want to feel the smear of charcoal between & beneath my fingers.
I want to see the direct effect of my actions,
not a substitute, no matter how good, through the extension of a brush.
I want to get dirty in the things I care about.
I want a medium to become, transmute into the emotion I am feeling.
I want a direct connection with what I am doing, not a vicarious life.

maybe the particles of a smudge would feel & hold my emotions better than the swish & smear of paint at the end of an inanimate piece of wood.

15th March, Wednesday, 13:12pm. penned
Authenticity

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