of kings and conversation

of kings and conversation.
of gods and of mortal men.
of mystery and of belonging,
of knowing and of believing.

of splendour and of mundanity
of the realms here and that of beyond.
my heart fills again with compassion,
knowing I am not alone.

23rd April 2017. penned
Conversations of a lifetime.

Painkillers

So. I wrote a short story. Prompt I left myself over the school term that I’m visiting from my stickie notes. Perhaps not the best rendition, but thought the premise could be cool.

—————–Title: Painkillers————–

“Painkillers again?” Tracy murmurs, concern etched in her voice.
“Yeah..” you softly mumble.
“It’s getting worse isn’t it?” She looks at your questioningly, biting her lip.

“I’ll be fine” you brush her away, “it’s just some pain.” You try not to hurt her feelings.
“Carson, tell them that it has to stop, please.” Tracy looks at you pleadingly.

“Trace, I’ll be fine, really.” you gaze at her. “I’ll be fine, okay?”

“Oh Carson,” she stares at you, brows furrowed together
“You say that every time. And every time you come back worse.”

“I have to go Trace, you know I need to do this.” you avoid her gaze.

“You don’t have to..” tears well up in the corners of her eyes.

Your heart softens. “Sorry Trace, I’ll see you tonight, yeah?”
You put on your coat and head out the door.

“Stay safe…” she murmurs, watching your back disappear from view.

———- At The Lab———

“Ready to go Carson?” Karen examines you as you enter the lab.
“Ready as I’ll ever be.” you reply.

“Alright, plug in crew!” Karen barks.
Chase, Meaghan, Praulik, and Aaron plug themselves into the generator equipment.
Karen holds out your helmet for you.
“Today’s going to hurt like a bitch, Carse, you sure you up for it?”
You take your helmet, and put it on, facing your pod screen.
“We both know I have to do this Karen.”, you respond, steeling your voice.

“Alright, Carse. Stay strong, yeah?” Karen frowns at you a little.
You train your eyes forward, ignoring her gaze.
You close your eyes and deeply breathe in.
“It’ll be alright..” you repeat to yourself. “It’ll be alright”
Your hands are shaking and sweating a little.
Sweat drips down your back.

Karen looks at you, and opens her mouth as though to say something,
watching your state. A sorry expression crosses her face. She bites her lip,
then decides against whatever she was initially going to say.

She puts on her own helmet, throwing you one last look, before worriedly shaking her head.
“Aaron, start ‘er up! Tonight we’re plugged into Ohio.”

“Yes Cap’tn!” Aaron shouts, flicking the switches on for the Absorber.

Your heartbeat gets faster as you hear the click of the switch, your breathing gets heavier, your breaths shallower.
Your eyes close tighter, your palms sweat faster.

The next thing you remember,
is blacking out from all the pain that you absorbed.

14th April 2017. 10:59am. penned.

Painkillers. People who absorb pain.

Demon’s Advocate – Interactive Story

HAI FRIENDS, anyone want to playtest a story I wrote? An interactive story. The plot is about a new demon trying to get his horns, and his quest is to tempt a human into killing themselves in order to obtain said horns.

You’ll need to download the whole folder from this link: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/0B-FNq3-Lqbr8SUh4QXB4YmVGYTg?usp=sharing

and then double click the index.html file.
If you play and want to give feedback, pm me, no spoilers here. thankss~

Edit: Gais, if you get ending 1, pls play again to get ending 2. It’s worth it, i promise. (I hope, at least? lol)

The mortality of friendship

Come with me to the world’s end.
We’ll journey through the years.
We’ll wear out the jokes we’ve made between us,
Till our memories etch deeper than their fading words.

We’ll breathe in starlight,
and melt with the sand.
Inhale the colours of the wind.

We’ll feel the fragrance,
and taste the sky.
We’ll go far, you and I.

We’ll ride a leprechaun’s bridge of dreams,
Pulling taffy at its seams.
Listen to sirens on Atlantis’s coast
Unbury the trinkets you treasure most

We’ll crumble the seeds
of politicians past,
And maybe we’ll find out
If the mortality of friendship
was meant to last.

8th April 2017, penned.
second revision. prompt I left for myself a month or two ago on the mortality of friendship. hope you guys like it! I quite like it, hahah

Meditation | Meeting Source

A year ago, i meditated. I met what can only best describe as a universal consciousness. The other descriptions i’ve come across that fit and resonate with truth would be Source.
My internal vision turned from black to blinding white, i could feel my consciousness expand and stretch to the edges of infinity till i couldn’t feel where it started and ended anymore. And i learnt how the things that divide us, whether age, race, gender are all very superficial. That when we are mean to another we are mean to an extension of ourselves. That every one of us is connected back to Source.

The description I have given people, if I had to give you a mental image, is that we as individuals are all standing, facing outwards, away from a giant ball of light. And attached to each and every one of us is a thread that runs back to this source, connecting us all.

I meant to talk about this later. After work was done. After school was finished, and there were no other distractions. But this has surfaced again and again. And I need to share. Before when I identified as Christian, I would put this down to a prompting of the spirit. Which is a story of itself.

This is my rationale to my Christian friends as to why I do not go to the church or identify with it. Yes, I am not incapable of imagining that what I describe as Source is another name for God as the church describes him. But what I experienced and encountered did not match what I have been taught to expect of God. Yes, yes, call me naive for expecting something of an indescribable being why don’t you. My point is that it does not match what I have been taught. If this truly is God, then be happy for me. Even if how I am encountering him is outside of the church.

There are other things that come with the territory, other experiences that I would share that would polarise the people I know and care about. Things that I do not think would be palatable. But for now, this is me i suppose coming out about why I no longer identify as Christian/Catholic.

People have told me in the past that I should not question the religion. That I would lose my faith if I did. I find it, and will always find this sentiment to be a trying statement. If you truly believe the religion and what it teaches to be real, then no amount of questioning should serve to prove it false.

Mon 3rd April 2017 9:24pm. penned
I don’t know why I’m called to share this now. But this feeling of needing to share will not dissipate. So fine. this is what it is.
I’m open to questions. and sharings. But I have no answers. Probably not the ones you are looking for. I am searching myself.
This is not an invitation to call into question whether I imagined the whole episode. Or whether I was dreaming. If that’s what you’re inclined to think, leave. I will not engage or tolerate conversation with you. At all. I will not have you or anyone sully what is the best experience of my life with ridicule. At all. I mean every word of it.

Friendships

Some friendships burn like a candle.
Some burn in flashes, like a match.
Some burn long and bright, though distant, like stars.
Some twinkle, letting you know they still exist though the distance and time is vast.

Inside, memories exist, smoldering embers of friendships that could always reignite if someone gave them a little stir.

Regardless of which, sun or match,
the littlematch girl was onto something, becoming enthralled by the beauty, even of fleeting flame.

So too am i thankful for the people in my life who have come and gone, and will reappear like matches, candles, stars, embers, flashing their brilliance and lighting the way on the road of darkness that sometimes is life.

25th March 2017, 21:59pm. penned
Embers of my heart
the train ride home.
Some friendships can be rekindled if you only just try.

https://youtu.be/TZ0pXUb5jVU
A song dedication to my friends, both new and old. May we enjoy the flames, however long or fleeting they last.

Elemental

A tranquil demeanour of water,
A passionate inner fire that is the heart,
A spirit, always, with the freedom of air,
And a resolve rooted in the steadfastness of the earth.

17th March 2017, Friday, 12:03pm. penned
Elemental

Authenticity

I enjoy painting, I don’t deny,
but sometimes I wish for mediums that were more visceral.
I want to feel the smear of charcoal between & beneath my fingers.
I want to see the direct effect of my actions,
not a substitute, no matter how good, through the extension of a brush.
I want to get dirty in the things I care about.
I want a medium to become, transmute into the emotion I am feeling.
I want a direct connection with what I am doing, not a vicarious life.

maybe the particles of a smudge would feel & hold my emotions better than the swish & smear of paint at the end of an inanimate piece of wood.

15th March, Wednesday, 13:12pm. penned
Authenticity

Overlay of shadows

An overlay of shadows, from multiple lightsources, darkens, becoming more & more itself. Not that it never was itself, just a more fully fleshed out whole version, with greater depth.

Perhaps we too become fully & more ourselves when faced with different lights of Truth from various aspects & experiences of our lives.

15th March, Wednesday, 12:00pm. penned
the space between classes